Robert Masello ’74 is the visiting lecturer in literature
at Claremont McKenna College and, most recently, the author of the novel
Bestiary, published by Berkley Books. This essay first appeared in the
Authors Guild Bulletin, Spring 2007.
In combing through Robert Stone’s recently published memoir of
the 1960s, Prime Green, I am saddened, but not surprised, to
discover that I am nowhere mentioned.
True, I didn’t meet him until 1971, and I was one of probably
a dozen writing students he taught at Princeton University that year,
but still ... you like to think you made an impression.
Even if, as in my case, it was a lousy one.
Robert Stone was a visiting professor, or whatever they called them
back then, in the much-vaunted writing program at Princeton; that program
was the main reason I’d chosen to go there. In high school I had
fallen under the spell of F. Scott Fitzgerald; I’d inhaled his account
of Princeton in This Side of Paradise (a book, in retrospect,
best read when 16), and in my senior-year English class we pored over
The Great Gatsby. I set out for college knowing only one thing:
I was going to be a famous writer (and a girl named Susan, for the rest
of her heartbreakingly blonde and beautiful life, was going to rue the
day she dumped me).
Everything initially went according to plan — the campus was as
bucolic and serene as Fitzgerald had described it, my room was at the
top of a Gothic tower, with a cavernous fireplace in one corner and casement
windows overlooking the ramparts of Blair Arch and Alexander Hall. The
walkways were leafy; the Commons where we ate was suitably baronial; even
the infirmary — where all freshmen spent a few nights after contracting
the obligatory mononucleosis — had the air of a sanatorium in Gstaad,
with the patients swanning around in terrycloth robes, eating tapioca,
and slogging through Proust in the sunroom.
You can imagine how well Robert Stone — standard-bearer of the
counterculture, ex-seaman, bosom buddy of Ken Kesey — fit into this
idyllic picture.
To be honest, I can’t say I even knew who he was when I signed
up for creative writing. Our classes were small; I don’t remember
more than maybe eight or nine students in the room at one time, gathered
in a semicircle of plastic chairs around Stone. He wasn’t standoffish,
exactly, but I don’t recall him being especially approachable or
chummy, either. (I do some teaching myself these days, and routinely make
the mistake of trying to make myself popular.) Stone had a shorter and
redder beard in those days than you see on him now, and his ears kind
of stuck out from under lank and uncut hair. He spoke in low tones, sparingly,
and most of our time was spent reading over and critiquing the other students’
latest work.
This, I came to feel, was an agony for the poor man. It reminded me
of watching that sad thwarted polar bear who used to pace his cage endlessly
in the Central Park Zoo.
Have you ever taken a college creative-writing class? If you have been
spared, let me just suggest that you think back to what occupied your
mind when you were 18 or 19 — and then imagine all that frustrated
lust and inchoate longing, all those deep-seated fears (Am I as special
as I think?) and dreams (Could it be that I’m even more special
than I think?) fumblingly committed to paper. I also remember a lot of
stories about first love and the loss of innocence (i.e., virginity).
In one such tale, the phrase “dueling tongues” appeared, and
to this day I recall the lost look on Stone’s face as he attempted
to find a way to seriously, yet benignly, respond to the rest of the similarly
styled narrative.
But I was beyond such juvenilia myself; I fancied myself a real writer,
having sold a couple of things, most notably a story to Seventeen magazine.
I was eager to let Stone in on this, so that he’d realize he had
a peer in the classroom and not just some kid, and at our first private
conference I contrived to mention it somewhere in the first five or 10
seconds. Stone was very gracious, leaned forward in his squeaky wooden
desk chair, and said, “Well, you’re a professional then,”
or words to that effect. I don’t really remember the exact wording
because I was fixated on Stone himself — his eyes glittered with
some sort of extraterrestrial intelligence, and his pale forehead looked
to me as if it were almost translucent. Was this, I thought (almost swooning),
an effect of the notorious L ... S ... D.? By then, I guess I’d
also heard about his literary prizes and Guggenheim Fellowship, and maybe
that, too, was part of the reason I felt, for the first time in my life,
that I was in the presence of what they called “genius.” A
quantum leap forward from all the brilliant professors I’d already
encountered (one of whom was an editor of the Norton Anthology! Could
you go any higher?).
It was probably then that I gave Stone a copy of the published magazine
story, which I just so happened to have with me. Called “Placebo,”
it was the tale of a suburban high-school student drawn to experiment
with drugs, but who soon learns that they aren’t the answer and
mends his ways.
Now I can’t say that Stone ever actually read the thing, but as
miscalculations go, giving an anti-drug story to one of the Merry Pranksters
was like offering Nixon a joint. I had written the story with a keen eye
on the marketplace; drugs would make it seem hip and controversial, but
the message would make it ultimately acceptable, even desirable, to mainstream
editors. I hadn’t been wrong. And later that week, in my first original
composition for the class, I submitted another of my slick, neatly buttoned-up
narratives, with what I hoped would become my trademark O. Henry-style
trick ending. (“Placebo” had had one, too.)
Although my classmates seemed favorably disposed, Stone, I could tell,
was not. In fact, I had the distinct impression that he had sized me up
as a budding hack (not, given my later career, such a wild surmise). While
the other students were trying, however feebly, to create art, I already
was trying to figure out how to get my byline in lights. I wanted nothing
more than to sell out to the same audience that Stone wanted to annihilate.
You could say that our goals were at odds.
It was also interesting to see the other students in the class quickly
change course and blow with what they thought were the prevailing winds;
after we all had had time to figure out who Stone was, and read A
Hall of Mirrors, his dark, gritty novel set in New Orleans, and heard
him read in the auditorium from the manuscript of his work-in-progress,
Dog Soldiers, the tenor of the class submissions did an abrupt about-face.
All those tales of young lust swiftly gave way to seamy narratives about
corrupt narcs, burnt-out Vietnam vets, and brawls in waterfront bars —
subjects with which the typical Princeton undergraduate was, of course,
intimately familiar. One week after Stone casually mentioned the work
of Louis-Ferdinand Céline in class, every story came back riddled
with expletives and ellipses.
But in spite of his dismissal, I never bore the man a grudge; if anything,
his patent disregard for my patently craven submissions only made me respect
him more — especially as, by then, I had segued into my Alain Robbe-Grillet
phase. I was churning out stories with no people in them (characters were
so old-hat), or told from the point of view of a ceiling fan. He never
really told me what he thought of these groundbreaking works — he
wouldn’t have been so merciless — but I could guess. And I
guess you could say his silence made me do what any good teacher does;
it made me aim a bit higher, think a bit longer, and work a bit harder.
To this day, I’d have to admit, I’m still feeling the Stone
effect. I’m still trying to redeem myself by writing something worthy
of the master — and master I do believe he is — still trying,
however late in the day, to get that damn A.