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Exclusives: Raising Kate
By Kate Swearengen '04 I've been seeing a lot of the Dinky conductor lately, but the situation is hardly scandalous. Last weekend I took the New Jersey Transit to visit a friend at the University of Pennsylvania. On Wednesday I had a doctor's appointment in Hamilton, so I rode it again. And on Thursday evening, after missing the 7:17 train to New York by a mere three minutes, I had to fork over 35 bucks for an Amtrak ticket. It was opening night at a gallery over on Orchard Street where my friend's painting was on display, and she would have killed me if I had missed it. Personally, I prefer New Jersey Transit to Amtrak. You may not get a laptop port, and your seat may not recline quite as far, but these small inconveniences are more than made up in cost savings. And besides, the Amtrak clientele isn't my crowd: When I climbed aboard the train on Thursday night, one fellow peered at me unhappily, inquired as to whether I would be taking the train all the way to New York, then retreated behind his newspaper. Apparently, he pays the hefty Amtrak tab to avoid people like me. All this has got me thinking. Wouldn't it be great if, say, at the Princeton Junction station, a battle erupted between Amtrak and New Jersey Transit patrons? I'm not talking about anything violent; this would be more along the lines of lyrical sparring. Think West Side Story, without the dance routines. I've taken it upon myself to create song lyrics for such a scenario. It'll take a music theory class or two to polish them, but don't be surprised if someday, when you're standing by the tracks at Princeton Junction, everyone around you bursts into spontaneous song. And now you'll know what to sing, too. Take the Train (to be sung by N.J. Transit patrons) Ten to New York, nine fifty to Philly Amtrak's thirty-five -- that's certainly silly New Jersey Transit is cheaper by far Safer than hitchhiking, faster than car. Chorus: I-95 is a commuter's hell Jam-packed with cars, and buses as well Road rage, traffic jams, roadkill and more Won't appear on the Northeast Corridor. (to be sung by Amtrak patrons) Amtrak is better, though some say it's pricey Jersey Transit is dirty, the clients are dicey You'll ride next to a drug-addled cynic Returning home from a methadone clinic. Chorus: I-95 is a commuter's hell Jam-packed with cars, and buses as well Road rage, traffic jams, roadkill and more Won't appear on the Northeast Corridor. (to be sung by N.J. Transit patrons) The patrons of Amtrak are all of them snobs Rushing to get to their high-paying jobs The bourgeoisie is an odious sort Viva la proletariat, and its mode of transport. Chorus: I-95 is a commuter's hell Jam-packed with cars, and buses as well Road rage, traffic jams, roadkill and more Won't appear on the Northeast Corridor. (to be sung by Amtrak patrons) Amtrak is swell, you can use your laptop Between Princeton and Philly there isn't one stop. We'll move to New York, once our fortunes are won And enroll our beautiful kids at Dalton. Chorus: I-95 is a commuter's hell Jam-packed with cars, and buses as well Road rage, traffic jams, roadkill and more Won't appear on the Northeast Corridor.
You can reach Kate Swearengen at kswearen@princeton.edu
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November
7, 2001: