The Right Stuff

What, Me Worry?

The Chapel of Love

When you have walked the long, long aisle of the Princeton University Chapel, or awaited your bride in the chancel; when you have taken your wedding vows in that place of size and beauty," says Earnest Gordon, dean of the Chapel, emeritus, "you have been well and truly married."
Yearly, between 65 and 80 couples walk down that aisle. It measures 225 feet, according to Chapel Administrator David Chewning, "depending on how close to the altar the couple advances." Dedicated in 1928, the Chapel has seen three generations of brides and grooms, and of all aspects of its majestic interior-the vaulted nave, the prismatic richness of stained glass-it is the aisle that most sticks in their minds. Virginia Starr Myers walked down it on June 17, 1931, escorted by her father, Professor William Starr Myers, to wed the late Edward C. Kohlsaat '31. President John Grier Hibbin 1882 performed the ceremony. When asked about her clearest memory of that event 65 years ago, she answers immediately, "Walking down that long aisle in my wedding dress, holding my father's arm." At the wedding last July 1 of Patricia García '92 and Domingo Monet '93, the groom recalls his wait in the chancel, enduring "the long, long walk down the aisle for Trish and her bridesmaids."
The aisle can be equally daunting to other members of the wedding party. The tiny flower girls at the wedding of Martin Flaherty '81 to Christine Loo on August 21, 1993 were "entirely overwhelmed," Flaherty recalls. "It took a lot of coaxing and a lot of time to get them down the aisle." And on April 30, 1988, father of the bride Roger V. Moseley '55 was "terribly nervous that I would ruin 28 years of reasonably successful fathering by making my daughter trip."
Echoing the feeling of thousands of alumni, Brian McAlindin '80, who married Jori Lynn D'Andrea in the Chapel on November 12, 1994, says he "always thought it would be wonderful to be married there." The Chapel, he says, is "a central part of Princeton's heritage. All faiths are welcome, and all students find their way into the building at some time." Generations of students attended compulsory services, which didn't end until 1964, and the Chapel continues to serve students for worship as well as solitude and meditation.
Many Chapel brides and grooms have been members of the Chapel congregation. Georganna Dean, who worked in the Chancellor Green Library, married Donald P. Dickson '49 in the Chapel on June 21, 1947. "We always went to Sunday morning Chapel together," recalls Mrs. Dickson. "It was like another date."
E. Stanley Lee *62 married the late Mayanne Lee (no relation) in the Chapel on December 21, 1957. As a graduate student he met his wife in Princeton, and "it was natural," he says, to wed in the Chapel. When their daughter, Margaret Lee '83, married David M. Chess '81 on June 11, 1983, no place but the Chapel would do. And when Linda Lee '81, Margaret's sister, married Scott Bud Chapman Dynes '83 on June 1, 1985, she wished to be married in the Chapel "for sentimental reasons." The beauty of the venue, says Linda Lee Dynes, "was just a bonus."
The elder Lee says it makes him "very emotional" to have had his daughters married in the same building as their parents. And Margaret Lee Chess declares, "When our daughter Mayanne (potentially Class of 2012 or thereabouts) and son Elias (2016?) come to that point, we will recommend the Chapel to them as a fine and well-tested place to take one's vows."
It was aesthetics as well as sentiment that led Flaherty and Loo to settle on the Chapel, even though most of their friends and the bride's family lived in Manhattan. "We looked at the Columbia chapel," says Flaherty, who attended Columbia Law School and now teaches at Fordham. "Christine thought it was fine. But when she saw the University Chapel, that was it. No contest. We just had to have the wedding there, regardless of logistical difficulties." They dealt with these difficulties by busing 450 guests from New York City to Princeton, then transporting them back again after the ceremony for a wedding banquet in Chinatown.
To be married in the Chapel, the bride or groom must be a member of the university community: students, alumni, staff, faculty, Chapel congregants, and children of the above are eligible. Weddings are held on Saturdays during the academic year at noon, 2 p.m., and 4 p.m. During the summer ("our busy season," says Chewning), they take place on Sundays as well, at 1 and 3 p.m. The Chapel is already scheduling weddings for June 1997. Couples wishing to be married in the Chapel must write a letter to Sue Anne Steffey Morrow, an associate dean of religious life, explaining why they wish their wedding to take place there. Once Morrow grants formal permission, a date is set.
Weddings are often performed by Dean of Religious Life Joseph C. Williamson and associate deans Morrow and William C. Gipson. But couples often call on other university chaplains or outside clergy. Whatever the couple wants is fine, says Morrow, so long as the wedding is performed by "an ordained member of a recognized denomination." Roman Catholic, Presbyterian, Episcopalian, Unitarian, Jewish, Baha'i, and Baptist clergy, and even a Buddhist lama, have officiated. Ceremonies are often conducted by more than one minister, and the Chapel sees many interfaith marriages at which a minister and a rabbi both take part. No justice of the peace, no matter how close a friend of the family, may officiate.
The Chapel clergy suggest, but do not require, prenuptial counseling. They do, however, always try to talk with the couples. "We feel a deep sense of responsibility to those who get married here," says Morrow. It is a sense of responsibility that was shared by her predecessors. Robert Russell Wicks, dean of the Chapel from 1928 to 1947, talked with Petterson B. Marzoni, Jr. '39 and the late Suzanne Gifford in anticipation of their wedding of May 24, 1946. "Dean Wicks told us we absolutely could not get divorced, because no couple he married had ever divorced," says Marzoni. "I suspect he was exaggerating."
The typical wedding service used to be in the language of the King James Bible, according to Dean Gordon, who served as dean from 1955 to 1981, but the rhetoric of today's ceremonies is often less formal. It is also likely to be gender free, as in, "Those whom God has joined together, let no one put asunder." Couples may spend a great deal of time planning the wording of the ceremony. This suits Morrow, who believes couples "are better served thinking about vows, as well as worrying about clothes, flowers, or other wedding accouterments." Ceremonial words may be more or less appropriate to a particular wedding. "If the couple are both in their mid-50s," says Morrow, "we probably wouldn't include anything about marriage being for 'the procreation of children.' "
Today's ceremonies often include the congregation in vows of intent. The groom may be asked, "Will you have this woman to be your wife . . ."; the bride, "Will you have this man to be your husband . . . ." Then the congregation is asked, for example, "Will all of you who are witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold _________ and ________ in their marriage?" Answer: "We will." Says Morrow, who likes to involve family, friends, and congregation in the ceremony, "Marriage is a fragile enterprise, and couples need all the support we can give them."
A glance through the Chapel wedding register testifies to changing social customs. Grooms are still asked if they are "bachelor or widower" and brides whether they are "maiden or widow," but in recent decades both bachelors and maidens subscribe themselves "single." In the 1950s, a few of the grooms checked neither bachelor nor widower, but wrote "divorced;" by the 1970s, many brides had also been "previously married." Today, bride and groom often share an address. The officiating clergyperson is frequently a woman. And the couple may be in their mid-forties rather than their early twenties.
Over the years, the Chapel has frequently echoed to the "Bridal Chorus" from Wagner's Lohengrin, the traditional processional, and the "Wedding March" from Mendelssohn's A Midsummer Night's Dream, the almost equally traditional recessional. "Mothers of the bride always want 'Lohengrin,' " observes Jeffrey Workman, assistant university organist, who typically spends several hours with each couple planning their wedding music. Other popular pieces are Jeremiah Clarke's Trumpet Voluntary ("The Prince of Denmark's March"), Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" (from Symphony No. 9), and Pachelbel's Canon in D. Recently, Workman notes, he has had requests for "One Hand, One Heart" from West Side Story and the Beatles' "Long and Winding Road."
"By far the most popular contemporary piece," he says, is "All I Ask of You," from The Phantom of the Opera.
While Workman is a regular at Chapel weddings, and will also help couples contact other local musicians if they wish, often the bride and groom invite outside musicians to perform. A bagpiper played the processional when Evie Ward '84 married Scott Strang '84 on June 10, 1984, "attracting quite a crowd outside the Chapel," she says. (The couple has since "very amicably" divorced.)
The first question that comes up about the wedding music, says Workman, is " 'Lohengrin' or no 'Lohengrin.' " There was no such choice during the tenure of the late Carl Weinrich, the organist from 1943 to 1973 and a noted performer of Bach. "He always played Bach at weddings," says Dean Gordon, "though the mother of the bride usually spoke for 'Lohengrin.' " Explains Weinrich's widow, Annette, "Carl did not like to play music he considered ordinary."
Richard W. Hogan '66 recalls a 1968 wedding at which Weinrich-affectionately known as "Doc"-played, albeit in an emergency capacity. "I was best man," says Hogan, "and felt very responsible. The organist didn't turn up at the Friday rehearsal, but everyone said, 'Never mind, he'll be here tomorrow.' Well, the wedding was at 2 p.m. on Saturday. At 1:15, no organist. At 1:30, no organist. At 1:45, I phoned the organist, who lived an hour away. He said, 'Oh, hell, I thought the wedding was next week.' At 1:50 I called Doc, who graciously came right over. He refused to play "Here Comes the Bride," but at least there was a wedding, and it was only five minutes late."
Every Chapel wedding is preceded by a rehearsal, which today requires the presence of wedding party, minister, musicians, and the Chapel's wedding coordinator, Loni Chewning (sister-in-law of David Chewning). Rehearsals are usually in the evening, so that couples and families arrive at a dimly lit Chapel. It may be the first time the members of the wedding have seen the building. They approach the massive doors, tip-toe down the long, long aisle they will tread on the morrow in their finery. Heels echo in the emptiness, nervous laughter breaks the stillness. The bride and groom are probably in jeans.
Morrow notes that "it is not uncommon for family problems or misunderstandings to surface at a wedding rehearsal." She cites the example of a bride who did not want to include in the ceremony the question, "Who gives this woman in marriage?" But, Morrow recalls, "she had not mentioned that to her father, who was obviously very surprised-and disappointed."
At a recent rehearsal, Morrow poured oil on any possibly troubled waters, soothing bride, groom, and wedding party. "You don't have to remember anything," she assured them. "Loni and I will get you through. We haven't lost a bride or groom yet.
"This is not a performance," she tells them. "It is a human gathering. It is a circle of love." Occasionally, that circle extends beyond the Chapel precincts. When James T. Barron '77 and Jane-Iris Farhi married on April 1, 1995, Barron's mother was too ill to attend. So, recounts Morrow, "Ken Grayson, the Chapel electrician, set up a microphone and telephone line, and James's mother was able to hear the ceremony at her home in Virginia." (Of the April 1 wedding date, Barron quips, "Only fools fall in love." For the groom's account of the wedding, see pages 16 and 17.)
Wedding coordinator Chewning estimates she's been present at "about eight hundred Chapel weddings." It's her job to ease the party through the logistics of the ceremony. "I show them where to stand, make suggestions about who should go in with whom, fluff out the dresses, pin flowers on the groomsmen, and do whatever is necessary to make people feel at home in the Chapel and comfortable during the rehearsal and the wedding." She adds, "People from out of town are often awed by the building. They think they're coming to a 'chapel,' and it turns out to be more like a cathedral."
She's also responsible for making sure the building is used appropriately. For example, couples may not decorate the Chapel in any way-no ribbons on the pews, no plants at the entrance, no ornamentation of any kind beyond one floral arrangement on either side of the altar. She keeps watch on the Chapel steps, lest guests throw rice at the newlyweds; rice, confetti, and birdseed are all proscribed, values of ecology and safety having superseded that of fecundity. She recently discouraged guests from releasing helium balloons from the Chapel steps. But for the wedding last November 11 of David Miller '89 and Colleen Fee, she gave thumbs up to guests equipped with bubble solution and blowers.
Changes in the structure of today's families, Chewning points out, have made her job more complicated. "You have to accommodate situations that Emily Post never thought of," she says. Most potential problems are sorted out at rehearsal, when "we talk about the way the bride and groom want things done. Do they want a receiving line outside the Chapel? Will the mother-of-the-bride's new husband be in it?" Rules of etiquette are becoming increasingly flexible. "One mother of the bride was escorted down the aisle by the limo driver," she says. "Apparently, they became friendly on the way over."
Emotions do run high at weddings. Lois Woodbridge Hudson and Henry Aplington II '39 were married on October 12, 1968 by classmate Frederic E. Fox '39 (a Congregationalist minister and the university's Keeper of Princetoniana from 1976 until his death in 1981). "When Freddy pronounced the final words," recalls Aplington, "my old friend and classmate was crying-the only tears shed there." On the honeymoon, "We found more evidence of Freddy's great emotion": he had forgotten to sign the Aplingtons' marriage certificate.
More commonly, it is the bride and groom who are too emotionally wrought to enjoy the spectacle of which they are stars. Revisiting the Chapel is a way to recapture the fleeting beauty of the ceremony. Whenever Kathryn Federici Greenwood, paw's staff writer, walks across campus, she is reminded of her own "storybook wedding" to Alexander Greenwood in the Chapel on June 10, 1995, and wishes she "could have been a spectator."
Sally Pitcher Sword '81 is a Chapel bride who revisits the site more often than most. She married William Sword '46 on April 15, 1950, with Donald B. Aldrich, Chapel dean from 1947 to 1955, officiating. A graduate of Bradford Junior College when she married, she earned a Princeton degree 31 years later. A resident of Princeton, she is now a docent at the Art Museum, and frequently leads children's tours of the outdoor Putnam Sculpture Collection. "When we're out on campus," she says, "we always go into the Chapel. It's a wonderful experience for the children. They love walking down the aisle, looking at the windows, sitting up in front while someone is playing the organ." Occasionally, she adds, "a child will say, 'My mom and dad got married here,' and I say, 'So did I.' "
The Chapel's majestic space claims those who enter it. John Grier Hibbin noted this quality when he dedicated the Chapel 68 years ago: As "we enter its doors," he said, "there seems to be some personal appeal, something that identifies the individual, for the passing moment at least, with the spirit of the place, deepening his feelings of reverence and quickening and expressing his aspirations."
Patricia García-Monet and Domingo Monet know. As undergraduates, both were "always trying to fight to change things for minorities at Princeton," according to García-Monet. She left Princeton in 1982 "with some not-so-positive memories." When it came to deciding where to be married, however, their thoughts returned to the Chapel. García had worked there monitoring evening Quiet Hours, and as president of the Undergraduate Student Government she had led the movement to install a plaque in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Monet had often retreated to the Chapel, "just to experience the stillness and peace."
After talking with Associate Dean Gipson, who later married them, they decided on the Chapel as the place for their wedding. There, says Monet, the couple and their guests-many of whom were "members of underrepresented groups at Princeton"-"felt that we had reclaimed a space at the university and filled it with joyful memories." The García-Monets have since hit upon a contemporary way of sharing their happiness with the world. They have their own Home Page on the Web (http://www.ruf.rice.edu/~pgarcia), which, along with a hyperlink to "Princeton University, our alma mater," includes several photographs of their wedding.
Though most weddings are planned with strategic precision, sometimes things don't work-or do work-particularly well. For example:
€ Dean Gordon remembers a wedding in which "a dog trotted right up to the altar and stayed for the ceremony. And we had the odd pigeon flying in from time to time."
€ Only couples with extraordinary calendrical savvy can arrange to be married on February 29, as were John C. Gorman '39 and Helene Holenkoff Harper, in 1976.
€ Janice Stultz *77, now Janice Roddenbery, married Thomas P. Roddenbery on February 19, 1987, the anniversary of the blind date on which they met. It is also the birthday of 20th-century French poet André Breton, on whom Roddenbery wrote her dissertation.
€ An unusual experience awaited Anne Diederich when she married Leonard Groom '55 on April 5, 1958. "I became," she says, "a bride and a Groom on the same day."
And for special effects, it's hard to beat sunlight through stained glass. According to Loni Chewning, "the light comes in the windows differently for each wedding, whether at noon, 2 p.m., or 4 p.m. And of course the light is different at different times of year, and sometimes the sun is out and sometimes it's not.
"But every now and then," she adds, "everything works just right, and a shaft of sunlight will come in through the West Window, shine the length of the nave, and land right on the bridal couple. It takes your breath away."

Caroline Moseley s'55, a frequent contributor to paw, is a writer in the university's Office of Communications and Publications.